May My Heart Be Kind and My Spirit Brave
by onegracefulqueen
Summary: Divergent AU. Bethany Greene was the selfless daughter of the Greene family but faced with the threat of what she was, she needed to be strong more than ever. Following in her sister's footsteps, she chooses to join the brave Dauntless. While fighting for her life, she can't stay away from her rough-around-the-edges instructor, Daryl - who has secrets of his own to keep...
1. Silently the sunlight was fractured

**I've been wanting to do a Bethyl fanfic for a while now, but I wasn't really interested in one specific plotline. Until inspiration hit me, and now we have this lovely Divergent AU. It has taken since Friday to get this first chapter up but thank you so much to my lovely Bethyl family on tumblr for the help. Especially to Nik, Christy, Ash and Kels - wouldn't have been able to do this without you guys!**

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There was a single mirror in the simple house that the Greene family called home. It was hidden upstairs, located behind a wooden panel that slid across and behind an adjacent panel, revealing the glassy object that was in the back of the compartment. Bethany's faction allowed her to stand in front of it on the second day of every third month – when her mother Annette would give her a haircut.

The young teen sat on the creaky stool, trying to keep as still as she could while her mother was behind her - plain metal scissors in hand - clipping away at the wispy strands that framed her face. She bit her lip and kept silent for the whole duration of it. In her reflection, Bethany could see glints of sunlight here and there drifting slowly to the floor, surrounding her in a blonde circle.

All too quickly, her mother wrapped up the haircut session, the comfortable silence between the two of them continuing. Her fingers were gentle in her hair, pulling it away from her face before twisting the grey elastic around so the ponytail would be stuck in place. She watched her face, calm and focused on the activity in front of her and nothing else. Bethany wondered at how easily her mother could lose herself in whatever she does. It was an ability the girl never possessed, despite her dedicated selflessness.

With a sense of guilt pressing against her chest, Bethany sneaked a peep at her blonde reflection in the mirror when her mother wasn't paying attention to her – instead preoccupied with the task of touching up her hair as well as doing things with the scissors and thick brush in both hands. She wasn't looking at herself to admire herself but more so because she was curious. The features of a person could change during the course of three months.

The person reflected back at her had large stormy blue eyes, oval-shaped face and softened cheekbones. She could see why so many people thought she was younger than she actually was – she still looked like a little girl compared to Maggie's fine, womanly features. She wasn't a little girl though, not ever since she turned the mature age of sixteen this year. She just didn't know when. Unlike the other factions, Abnegation didn't celebrate people's birthdays. It was considered self-indulgent and selfish to dedicate a day to yourself. And her faction was all about selflessness, you couldn't be selfish or think about yourself. It was all about serving and helping other people.

"There" Annette said, as she pats down her hair one last time before removing her hands from the ponytail that was high on her head. Beth saw her eyes shift from her head to meet her reflection and she could do nothing but stare back. She couldn't look away and the girl knew she should – vanity was being selfish - so she naturally expected her mother to reprimand her but instead, she gave a small smile to her daughter. Beth gave her a confused look before Annette spoke up again.

"So, today is the day" She tried to sound excited and encouraging but instead it came out awkward to Bethany's ears. But she appreciated the motherly attempt, and gave her a fond smile through a mirror. She stilled for a moment when her mother's head ducked next to hers, hands resting on her shoulders.

"It is" Bethany replied automatically. It had been weighing on her mind ever since she woke up this morning, and the numerous days before that. Counting down to one decision that could transform her entire life, for better or worse.

"Are you nervous?"

She paused for a moment, staring back at her own blue eyes as she thought of what to say. Today was the day that she and every other sixteen-year-old would be taking the aptitude test – a simulated test that would show which of the five factions a person would suit the most. And the day after that, was the Choosing Ceremony. Where she would have to choose which faction she would live in for the rest of her life. To choose between blood and faction, to choose whether or not she would leave her family behind and follow her heart or to stay in Abnegation where everyone thought she belonged. Maggie must have been thinking the same thing that she was, Beth thought, at the Choosing Ceremony six years ago. It was probably one of the hardest decisions her sister had to make, choosing Dauntless over family, if not the hardest one of them all. You couldn't go back after you chose.

"I am" She admitted, shifting in her seat a little as the warm hands on her shoulders felt more like heavy weights against her back rather than the supposed comforting touch of a mother. Her parent's expectations of her, as their youngest daughter in the house, were suffocating. They meant well but Bethany felt like she no longer fitted into the faction she called home, beginning to doubt if she was as selfless as everyone said she was. They didn't say it but the disappointment and betrayal was still there, as fresh as it was six years ago. When her little ten-year-old self watched her father, Councilman Hershel Greene, become the most angry she had ever seen him. "But…" Bethany continued, hesitant in picking the right words, "The tests don't have to change what we choose"

"Right" Annette answered with a smile and nod, and removed both her head and hands before standing up straight, her hands resting against the woollen grey cloth of her dress instead. "Let's go eat breakfast"

"Thank you. For cutting my hair" Bethany added as an afterthought, giving her mother a fond smile as she stood up from the aching, stiff spot she had been sitting in for the last half hour. Her mother's hands cradle her head for a moment, as her lips press against her daughter's forehead before stepping back to slide the wooden panel back into it's usual place.

Bethany would be blind if she couldn't see her mother's beauty, with her wavy reddish-brown hair, angular face and high cheekbones but she had to conceal this beauty with the plain clothing of Abnegation that covered most of her body. Maybe in a different faction, her beauty could've thrived in the tight black clothing of Dauntless or matched the bright red of Amity but that would be another life. Instead, this was Abnegation and you couldn't worry about your own beauty, something that was considered vain.

They walked downstairs together, heading towards the kitchen where they would all eat together. She passed the bare walls covered in grey wallpaper before opening the door and stepping inside, catching the sight of Shawn placing brown bread on plates, with the morning light streaming in through the windows. These mornings are what Bethany enjoyed the most – with her father quietly reading – with occasional comments - the newspaper but not before giving her an affectionate kiss on the cheek, fingering a tendril of the same blonde hair he once had. Her mother cleared the small table for the food that her brother was making, whispering softly to him as the counter. It's peaceful moments like these, when they are a family that make Bethany second-guess why she would ever doubt her place in Abnegation.

* * *

The bus strongly smelled of gasoline and people as it drove towards her school. Every other street, it skimmed against the concrete pavement with a loud screech that made Bethany cover her ears with her hands every single time the best she could. Even driving on the roads was unstable, making her bump into the seat next to her. She repeatedly apologized to the young Candor man in a suit with a cantankerous expression on his face, unpleased with the constant unwanted contact with her. Candor valued honesty above everything else, believing that everything was black and white, which were the colours that they adopted. In the window seat is her older brother Shawn, a frown marring his good looks.

She's familiar with it, where at times he couldn't understand how she could be so selfless without a second thought, especially giving up her seat to such a grumpy guy and opting to stand in the aisle instead. With their mother's rusty hair cropped short with a slight fringe and dark eyes, it wasn't surprising once he grew up, that he would be attractive like Annette. But like their mother, he was inhibited by the fact that he was Abnegation. Otherwise, she was pretty sure all the girls their age would stare at him.

After a while, the buildings close around them and the bumps disappear as the roads stretch out in front of them. Bethany's eyes automatically looked up, getting a clear view of the Hub in the center of the city amongst the smoky fumes. She learned in school that it was once named Willis Tower and had been one of the tallest buildings in the world, reaching out to the white clouds in the sky. They pass under one of the various railway tracks throughout the city, the train gliding above them with hardly a whisper. She had never been on a train before – it was only the brave and reckless Dauntless that travelled on them, since they connected to various parts of Chicago. The bus halts in front of the school, shuddering on the spot despite the smooth repaved roads as the engine gave a loud whir before cutting off.

Her eyes are on everybody now – seeing if anybody needed help or assistance of some sort – but the Candor man just pushed past her without a care, much to her brother's chagrin as he glared daggers into his crisp back. Shawn stood up after a moment and placed a hand lightly on Bethany's back, prompting her forward as she adjusted her grey dress, careful not to trip in case she would inconvenience someone else. And she made extra sure that her sleeves and hem didn't ride up too high.

The Hub was made up of three levels – Upper Levels, Mid Levels and Lower Levels, all made of metal and glass that sparkled like stars at night. A globe-shaped sculpture sat in front of the entrance, with parts of it covered in steel to represent the other countries in the world. With the pipes being large and wide, most Dauntless would climb it to see who could reach the top without falling. It was a ritual that happened almost every day after school, when she and Shawn had been waiting for the bus. She wondered if Maggie had done the same when she was younger, climbing alongside her fellow classmates with lanky limbs covered in Abnegation grey. Looking up, she could see how people wanted to risk themselves to get to the top. There was some alluring about standing in front of an object larger than yourself and yearning to conquer it. And you had to be brave to do that.

"The aptitude test is today" Bethany spoke up, feeling awkward with the silence between the two siblings as they walked towards the glassy entrance. They were in the same year level, since Shawn was only ten months older than her, though he took those ten months to heart. He was what every older sibling was – fiercely overprotective and sometimes annoying, but she loved him all the same.

They walk through the automatic front doors, sliding open for them to easily walk in and she could see out of the corner of her eye him giving a small nod to her statement. The school is already full of students, the chatter loud and engulfing the whole ground floor as it's flooded with a rainbow of colours – from Erudite blue to the clashing bright red and yellow of Amity. It didn't surprise her, considering this was the last day of school before they went in for the test after lunch. Even she wanted to savour every last moment she would have here because she wasn't sure if she was ever going to come back here again. Continue a life of selflessness? She wasn't sure anymore and it hurt to think of her family as fractured, would never be quite as complete as it once was. If she left, it would be broken even more. And she didn't want to admit but Bethany was sure that Shawn wouldn't stay in Abnegation, he wasn't suited for this kind of life. She wanted him to thrive in another faction, where he would marry a beautiful girl and be the person he was meant to be.

She wanted a lot of things lately. The pressure was getting to her.

"Are you worried about what your results will be?" The question wasn't just for Shawn, it was meant for her as well. She didn't know anymore, and although she felt at times her assurances were silly, the dreadful feeling consumed her. She pushed the grey sleeves of her dress down more than they were able to, making sure that her wrists weren't showing. Giving a nervous look at Shawn, they stopped at the point where the hallways crossed. Down one way was the Advanced Mathematics classroom and down the other was Faction History, where she would go. They didn't share the same classes in the morning, and she wouldn't be able to pass the level of maths he was taking anyways. Maybe Erudite was an option to him, despite how much their faction despised them – they thirsted for knowledge and bred power-hungry people. He could change that, her kind-hearted, intelligent brother could be the first step in improving the way their faction thought about Erudite. Especially their father's.

"Of course I am… But are you?" He asked, one eyebrow cocked upwards that she knew wasn't mocking but instead inquisitive. She knew that he's expecting her reply to be no, that she was sure it would be Abnegation but she had never been a good liar. Shawn had always been there for her, especially in the moments of weakness that would hit her, long after Maggie left.

"Yeah," Bethany started, sighing and hoping that telling her brother would help the weight in her chest. "I've been worried for weeks, y'know? Worried about what it will really say about me. 'Cause I… I feel like I don't belong in Abnegation anymore, ever since Mags left. It's hard to put others first when a part of you has been missing for a really long time" She took a deep breath in and chewed on her lip, expecting at least his disapproval of keeping all these feelings inside of her for so long. But instead, he understood with a kind, warm smile on his face that made her continue.

"I believe our faction is right. Selfishness is the reason why people failed before but it shouldn't be what our lives revolve around. We should be able to put ourselves first as well!" Her voice had risen so loud that she got a few weird looks from the people around her, and she knew why. Stiffs – the common nickname for people from Abnegation – aren't supposed to be loud and expressive, that was going outside the faction norms. In response, she ducked her head down out of embarrassment despite the fact she was proud of her opinion, for speaking up. It was a habit that was hard to break.

Suddenly a firm hand was on her head, which surprised her, so much that her back straightened and wide blue eyes met a fierce storm. Physical contact in Abnegation was discouraged, feared even, despite how small it could be but it made her feel so… safe. His jaw was set and teeth clenched, but soon enough the expression softened to something akin to troubled. And maybe a little unsure.

"Beth Greene, Don't _ever_ let people tell you who you are meant to be. It doesn't matter how selfless you are, how suited you are for Abnegation, in the end it is your decision to choose – Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity or Dauntless. Only you know who you are inside that soul of yours. Tomorrow is all that matters, so don't worry about what Dad and Mom have to say. Maggie would've told you to follow your heart, like she did. So follow it"

Her mouth opened, but no words would come out, so she closed it again. Beth was the nickname Maggie and Shawn gave her, and it wasn't used often. It encouraged individual preference, which their faction discouraged. But his words… She had never fully believed it would be her choice, no matter how much she tried to convince herself. It had never been her choice in the end, ever since Maggie chose bravery over selflessness. Faction over blood. It sounded so easy coming from Shawn's lips, but she had never been as strong as their sister. Maggie was steel while she was porcelain. The white marks on her skin, that had once had her life force pouring out of her, proved that. It was her duty, as the only daughter left, to stay with her parents. But so was being selfless and she had proven in those brief moments before that things were changing. Shawn believed in whatever choice she would make, so couldn't she focus on that?

"Not really" Bethany breathed aloud, earning a look of confusion from him but she merely shook her head and gave a bright smile. "Nothing, just… thank you for your words. It really means a lot to me. I feel better now" It wasn't the whole truth, but it was enough and she meant it. It filled her lungs with fresh air and helped her but she had to figure out what she wanted on her own, that part was on her.

"Are you sure you're okay? I can stay with you a little while longer"

"No really, I am totally fine Shawn. Go to class"

He gave her an once-over before giving a tentative smile back, his fingertips dragging through her blonde locks tenderly before he turned around in the direction of Advanced Maths and walked away. Her eyes traced his footsteps, burning with cool embers that wouldn't look away from the storm he bought with him, dark clouds cloaking him. He turned a corner, and she lingered for a brief moment before biting her lip and walking in the direction of the Faction History classroom.

Their total class time was halved today, so they would be able to go to each one for the last time before taking the test after lunch. She could feel it in the air, the excitement and nervousness tangible even in the hallways. It was overcrowded as normal, the school bell hadn't been sounded yet so various students were mingling amongst themselves. Bethany heard cries of joy coming from a pair of Amity girls and a protest coming from Erudite. She winced as a larger boy bashes into her carelessly, mocking laughs coming from his friends as she increased her pace.

"Where 'ya going, Stiff?" One of them called, letting out a wolf whistle that made his friends erupt into more rumbling laughter and she scowled. She had always hated that slang, Stiff. Turning the corner, she slumped against the nearest wall, her head bumping against it and let out a sigh of relief. Abnegation was always viewed as the weakest faction, and therefore was bullied the most. The grey clothes and the shell they hid underneath was suppose to make them unseen, and not worthy of people's attentions. But it had the opposite affect as of late, with reports coming from Erudite that painted her faction in a bad light. It didn't help the city's council was made entirely out of Abnegation members – elected because of the selfless values they were supposed to hold.

Closing her eyes, she let the emptiness consume her for these few precious seconds as she blocks out everything, all the noise around her becoming distant and faded. She focused on her breathing – in and out – counting every single one till she felt some tension release from her shoulders. It was a coping mechanism she had learned over the years, a life-saving technique that helped with instances like that. Not all of Abnegation was weak, the heart of a lion ran in some of their veins as well.

Then Bethany heard the faint blow of a train horn, almost sounding like wind whistling but she could differentiate between the two. It was a familiar sound, one she had gotten accustomed to every school morning. It wasn't on purpose, at least not at the start but the routine was simple. At 7:25, the brave members of Dauntless would demonstrate just how fearless they really were and all jump from the top of a moving train. The wails of the train became loud as it rushed past the entrance of the school, wheels jangling against the railing. In the last few seconds, a swarm of young men and women clad in pass jump in unison onto the concrete roads and pavement. Some landed with ease, grins on their faces while others were not as graceful, collapsing onto the ground in seemingly awkward positions before getting up and dusting off as if it was nothing.

Watching them with their ink-stained skin and pierced bodies is comforting in the most personal way. She had been curious, yes but that was only apart of it. Looking at them, she could imagine Maggie amongst them, apart of the cheering and laughter with her dark hair matching the Dauntless colour of black. It made her feel closer to her sister, parts of her spirit in these young courageous people. This would be the last time she would ever see this again, before having to choose her faction and the moment was over in a blink. But her eyes were fast, used to the fast-paced action.

Sometimes, she could imagine herself in Maggie's shoes, the unsteady rumbling beneath her feet and short hair whipping in the wind. Her older sister had always wanted to cut her hair short but Abnegation discouraged that kind of selfishness. She wondered if she had cut it in her new home, wild tendrils framing her face. And then the jump – the blood thumping in her ears as everything else drowned out, the air escaping her lungs as she fell. The effortless weightlessness that came with just _being_ in those few unparalleled seconds, making you totally forget that the inevitability of crashing. And then she would, feet making contact with the ground as pain would spike up her legs, turning into a dull throb. It would hurt but the satisfaction in doing that… doing that everyday. Bethany felt it was Maggie's way of reminding her how it felt to be alive, to live.

Blinking, she realized that most of the Dauntless had went inside to attend class except for a few lingering stragglers who were whispering among themselves. Probably talking about the aptitude test. Shaking her head, she glanced down at the watch around her wrist – the only type of accessory her faction allowed her to wear, based on the practicality of being able to tell the time. The display flashed 7:30 AM, 5 minutes before the school started and she shook her head. It was a delusional fantasy to think that she would ever be like Maggie, lionhearted and fiery. She pushed herself off the wall, and wrapped her arms around herself before walking away, the clack of her shoes against the tile floor resounding in the hallway like gunshots. Her pace was slow and steady, taking her time in walking in the direction of the Faction History classroom.

Bethany didn't think she was like her sister at all but maybe they were more alike than she thought.

Maybe…

She was also strong and **brave.**


	2. A storm howled in her veins

**I'm so, _so _sorry for the delay in this chapter and how short it is. I've been busy for the past two weeks with highschool and internals, and writing this chapter had been a slow crawl. Obviously, I'm cutting Chapter 2 in half, considering it would take too long for me to actually put this into one whole chapter. Time that I may or may not have, so I'm not taking my chances and having this update happen in two more weeks XD But I hope you enjoy, and thanks to muggleindenial28 + An Amber Pen for your lovely reviews. I hope you enjoy this next (albeit short) installment :D**

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And so the aptitude tests had begun, lunch ending with the echo of the bell, a warning of what would come next. In order, they lined up according to which faction they came from and then had to sit at the large tables scattered throughout the cafeteria. There was no mingling between factions, all of them had just kept to their own colours and people – which wasn't a surprise to Bethany. That was just how things had been like all her life – faction before anything else. There were ten aptitude test advisors in total, so only ten teenagers could take it at any one time. The other people who kept track of it had clipboards in their hands, and stood outside the doors of the testing rooms. On the Abnegation table, everyone was quiet and waiting but Bethany was a bundle of nerves on top of her adopted silence. Soon, she and one other grey-coloured student would be going through those doors and find out results that could possibly change their lives forever. The easiest thing would be to get Abnegation, but the results in the end did not result in the faction they would choose. That was up to them.

She sat next to Shawn, him turning his head every couple of minutes to offer her a reassuring smile but it didn't stop the tightening of her chest as time went by, her just waiting to hear someone call out "Bethany Greene". But nothing would happen, and somehow it made things worse in her stagnate state of anticipation and worry that kept eating away at her. She wanted to get it over with, to just know and have it dwelling on her mind till tomorrow. And Shawn's words filtered through her head, words about choice and following her heart. Could it really be that easy, to put passions and feelings above duty? She had all day to work it out but she still didn't know. Whatever she would get on the aptitude test would make the decision easier. That was all she knew.

Eight out of the ten testers were Abnegation, with the other two volunteers being Erudite and Dauntless. The two were there for testing her faction – as rules regulated that one couldn't be tested by a member from their own faction. The aptitude test… she was worried about the results the most but it didn't mean Bethany wasn't also worrying about what would happen during the test. There was absolutely no information given out about it, so there was no way to even prepare for it. Doing a test blind was unusual concept to her but she would find out soon enough.

Despite the foreboding reality of the situation, the room was alive with activity. It was just like this morning, each faction was doing something to pass the time and how loud they were certainly made up for the lack of noise from Abnegation. The Dauntless were the loudest, with their howls of laughter and protests over their game of arm wrestling, indiscriminate when it came to girls versus boys. Grins were on their face as the competition went on, with even some of the girls beating the guys at it. Erudite, impeccable in their blue attire, murmuring among themselves and mulling over the books scattered around the tables, in their quest of knowledge and the unknown. She didn't look at them too much – it would breed more bad blood between them, a Stiff constantly staring at their movement. The red and yellow of Amity was quite close to the black and white of Candor, though both factions were doing entirely different things. A lot of the girls were quietly singing a song she didn't recognize but she figured it was all about love and peace. A group of Candor were engaged in a lively debate, from what she could see – those happened a lot in that faction, considering honesty was everything to them.

But Bethany knew that not every member of a faction would want to conform to his or hers social norms all the time, especially her questionable drive towards selflessness. She didn't think all Dauntless wanted to jump off moving trains all the time or all Erudite members were dedicated to studying around the clock but defying them was a dangerous thing to do. Faction customs were everything and theirs dominated personal opinions and individual preference for basically anything.

"Shawn Greene!" One of the administrators called, included in the next throng of people to do the aptitude test. He looked at her, an assured grin on his face as she reached out and squeezed his hand before he moved toward the door. She almost spoke up and wished him luck but she hoped that through that one touch she had conveyed what she wanted to. He put on a confident demeanour but she knew her brother would still be as nervous as he was in the morning, which was oddly sweet. He wasn't afraid of being raw with his emotions, at least. But his place in the faction was less sure than hers, especially with her waves of self-doubt and freedom of choice. He wasn't as good at being selfless as she was, but he was pretty smart and absolutely kind. Amity. Erudite. He would have to make a choice, as did she. It still left a bad taste in her mouth, though. No one would be staying with their mother and father, and Hershel would be absolutely furious, more than he was when Maggie left. The shattering of glass echoed in her mind and she shook her head. She didn't need those bad memories, not now.

Some of the best memories she had were with Maggie and Shawn, when they were children. Mags was always more mature than the two of them, always six years older but she was still young at heart. And she probably knew while her two younger siblings were still in the veil of innocence and childhood that she didn't quite belong. Though she always encouraged them to be selfless, to be the people that their faction told them to be. So she alone would bare the burden of being the disappointment, Bethany reasoned. Not for long, though. All of the Greene children would be choosing their own paths for good, if she herself could muster the strength t be able to do so. At least then, one of them wouldn't have to see the aftermath of their decision, having to deal with dark stains on the walls.

Shawn's instincts to be selfless were never as good as hers, but she wanted to be selfless out of the kindness of her heart and not because they were expected to. She guessed that was the difference in everything, the line between her and her faction. They agreed with the same values but wanted to execute it in different ways. But habits die hard and easily she had given her seat to the grumpy young Candor man and she understood how easily he was confused about her actions. And if her brother could reason within himself that he was free to make these choices, that he could put himself first, shouldn't it be easy for her as well?

She shut her eyes, closing off the world and focused on her breathing, her hands clenched so hard they hurt but the pain helped her keep her mind off her churning stomach, threatening to make her throw up. She wanted to be as strong as Maggie would've been – awaiting her fate with her head held high – but she was not Maggie. She was Bethany Greene and worried for her brother's sake as well as her own. The laughter and singing cease to exist in her head, just this low hum of nothingness that slowly calmed her heart and made her feel a little bit better.

It was only till she felt the slight dip onto the bench did she open them and looked her brother over. Shawn looked… weirdly content, not surprised at all but he was breathing heavily, as if worn out by what he had to experience. Bethany would've asked about it but they weren't allowed to. Discussing test results were strictly forbidden, no matter what. But rules were made to be broken, so she would know soon enough. And even so, their hands laced together and she squeezed, seeking his support, him giving it easily. She didn't care if people saw their act of affection; she needed him in that moment of calm before the storm.

"The students next are as followed!" A volunteer spoke up, clip board in his hand as he captured everyone's brief attention. "From Dauntless: Randall Culver and Sophie Peletier. From Erudite: Penny Blake and Eryn Abernathy. From Amity: Molly Stewart and Elizabeth Samuels. From Candor: Benjamin West and Jimmy Walker. And from Abnegation: Noah Clarkson and Bethany Greene"

Her blood chilled at the call of her name and it looked like she was frozen still if not for her tight grip on Shawn's hand, turning her knuckles white. Bethany didn't want to move, she didn't want to let go of his hand but she had to. She had to get up onto her feet, move away from the table and towards the door that frightened her so much. That could destroy her from inside out if she let it. But she wasn't going to let that happen, because she was not completely selfish yet not completely selfless either. It was a contradiction going on in her head, oh so basically complicated that it frustrated her.

Standing up, she cast one last forlorn glance at her brother, dark eyes meeting her own before she turned her head around and walked towards the door. Her gaze met Noah, their neighbour and long time friend. If you could even call them that, she guessed. Although Abnegation was rather conservative, she wasn't blind to the looks he snuck at her when he thought she wasn't looking. His attraction towards her had been rather clear for the past two years but he was tentative in expressing it – in the way their faction only knew how. He offered her a reassuring smile but it wasn't comforting like Shawn's. It just made every step she took feel thunderous against the floor, not powerful but a harbinger of what was just behind those doors.

Bethany felt some eyes on her, probably watching the both of them as they walked by the tables. She wondered if Noah felt nervous because he certainly didn't look like it – his scruffy brown hair wasn't matted to his face with sweat nor his hands shook. Her own hands were clenched into fists, the slight throbbing helping her focus onto whatever she could. Her chest heaved dramatically as if every breath she was taking in these seconds were her last. It felt like they very much would be. But then Noah pushed open the doors that led towards the testing chambers, and she was greeted with a semi-spacious room littered with ten black doors. The door slammed shut behind them with finality, cutting off their way back to the cafeteria. She had never seen these parts of the school before, as they were only be used for these exact purposes. Normally, they were electronically locked – although students constantly tried to get in, most gave up after a while. She and Noah, as well as the other eight sixteen-year olds in the room, knew exactly what it looked like now.

There were mirrors _everywhere_, covering the walls and reflecting themselves back at them. Her reflection had paled skin and wide blue eyes, the terror and nervousness clear. She just stared for a few moments, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Noah do the same thing. She looked so… small compared to everything, a shrew covered in threadbare grey clothing. Shivering, she glanced up to catch his gaze once again and he looked cautious now. Nodding towards her, he opened the door to the room with a stark white "9" on it and her hand grasped the doorknob of the room next to it, one with a "10" on it. With a shaky breath, Bethany steeled herself.

Opening the door, she stepped through.


End file.
